~**~ aylie. com ~*

I miss this little space. For a long while i’ve had thoughts of updating, but always an excuse here and a delay there to keep from really sitting down, sorting the thoughts out and letting it all flow. Today, I recognise that while my temper may get ahead of me, I am a let-it-loose-and-forget-about-it-girl. And while I find it healthy to speak and move on, many others do not. So today, I officially mourn a friendship so dead that I should find my rest and peace with it. Goodbye and goodluck to you G.T, I now fully recognise that we were different people with different ideals and beliefs. That we picked different lifestyles and no matter how hard I’ve had hope to see your name on my mobile, blinking, that was all in the past. You found confrontations and sitting down thrashing things out difficult. I find keeping it all in and pretending things never happened impossible. We’re good in theory, good for 11 years, good for when we were in uniforms and starting our careers together. I thank you for being there with me at my graduation, 1st job and wedding. And now with you “let’s not be friends anymore”, I wish you all the best in your life choices, and look forward to that polite smile we’ll have to exchange one day, when our paths cross again. I know I will be there to offer it.

It doesnt matter what we’ve gone through if we don’t have the same goals anymore. I still found it hard to believe that someone would end a 11 year friendship over email, despite my calls and asking out to “thrash it out”. What for look back and be sentimental if there’s no future?

The cruelty of life is such that it goes on, no matter what happens.

Hello 25th week! Here I come!

This week has been good. I discovered the joys of foot reflexology – I enjoyed the pain throughout the process and almost mistook myself for a masochist! Truth is, my feet have not felt better in weeks and while the pain had me ouching and squarming throughout the session, the result is a clear and astounding relief from very tired and sore feet which have plagued me for weeks. May be due to the increased bloodflow and water retention, but whatever the case, I am one happy gal.

The Dior saddle bag which was such a hit and icon back in the early – mid 2000s was my envy and wish when I was still in school. I saw a beautiful and well kept Dior Japanese Patchwork Saddle and fell in love with it immediately. For saddle bag lovers, it’s likely that the shape and style of the bag are the draws – the many varied designs over the years are just icing on the cake and reason to collect. After purchasing the bag, I dug out my first DIOR wallet; well it was a logo card holder but because I was a student and could barely afford anything, I used it for a couple of years as a wallet. So worn and old now, but still immensely in love with it and will never sell, for it was my first branded ANYTHING ever.

Have had to deal with 2 separate but very similar run ins with 2 women in my life this week. One, a colleague who although is more junior in rank, does not report to me and is not in the same dept. The other, a long time friend who I have not met in a while, and I would say time and past brush offs (mutually) have, like a woodpecker constantly chipped away at the wood, that have lended a crack in the 10 year old friendship.

My “SOP” with regards to a conflict is to calm down and then talk about it face or face, or over the phone. It takes mins for me to reason my argument but like a seasoned battle soldier, I learnt it is equally important for the other party to cool off and rationalise.

This SOP usually works with dear hubby (and most men), who normally either 1) trash out their frustration (like me!) And then throw it over our shoulders and move on OR 2) forget about it after a few hours. For women, things get tricky…

The similarity between my colleague and friend is, neither wants to talk about what happened! Not over the phone (I phoned my friend and smsed my colleague to arrange a suitable time over coffee), and certainly not face to face! I tried emailing too , nothing works. (For my colleague she yelled at me once and told me not to waste her time when she wasn’t in the mood to talk)

To make things worse, I can see my colleague drowning in her work and boiling in her frustration, yet chooses to do nothing about the situation.

For my friend, I think we’re both trying to salvage the friendship but we’re approaching it with very different methods. She believes in sweeping the past under the magic carpet (hoping it will disappear after a while) but I prefer to take the bull by the horns and tackle it straight on.. Well at least we’ll get an answer immediately.

As a women, I can’t relate to their thinking or methods, and I feel as if I’m back 20 years ago, in a tiny dress, playing games. I’m not in Survivor and not competing to outlast or outplay, so why is this so long drawn and complicated?

Before we can get the space and place we really need in the next few months, MS and i have been reorganising the apartment and the result is one big mess. From moving the study out, giving the table away, shifting the bookshelves to the Master bedroom, repainting the walls, etc.. i have just been exhausted. Can’t really believe it’s Dec already (but in fact am really quite glad it is) so that leaves us with about 4 months left for the plans. Has it been that long already?

I foresee a great need for space come May – for the whatnots we have in the house right now, and for the to-comes when the baby arrives. I crave for an area where the mess and hardly-used can be thrown, out of sight, until the need comes. I need a space where i just can be messy, as long as the rest of the apartment stays clean and neat. There is a Monica Geller residing in me.

So before we get to the beautiful transformation and that mental picture of what our home should be, let’s get through this tiring 5 months

It’s been so long that I’ve had to hesitate a moment to recall my ID and password. It’s been a busy couple of months; a number of changes. Our study is now in the master bedroom, with space to spare, it’s amazing what a good floorplan can do. Saw a couple of places that have a larger floor area than our unit, but none with as much usable space as ours.

Life’s pretty good.

I’m at the last stretch of the work cycle, the next 2 months will be CRAAZY! Despite all of these, and MS and i have had time to be happy at our newly discovered joy, Beanie.

A couple of people have left me disappointed and a little sad, I have to admit. I can’t help but feel that we’ve drifted apart because my life just got a little more complicated and perhaps, grown up. Maybe I just didn’t want to admit i didn’t put in enough effort to sustain the friendship, maybe they just don’t want to try to understand what’s going on with my life. At one point, someone told me that not everyone can have a smooth sailing life (like i did). Not everyone gets a good job, marries a long time boyfriend, buys a place of our own, and live happily ever after. It felt like a slap in the face, and the willful part of me wants to believe that it’s thinking such as these that have pushed us apart. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough to be relate-able..

Someone once also said, that friends who can’t be happy for you, aren’t friends. Maybe. Hmm.

Let’s see how this turns out.

Our 100th month anniversary is coming up, and my dear hubby actually offered me a choice between a tennis bracelet or sapphire ring!! . I say this in bold and loud because i still don’t believe it! (Will he really buy if i really pick one of them?)

It has been a very stressful month, so i’m really glad to be blogging about something light and really non-work related. Hubs and I bought the weekend Eclipse tickets on Thursday, 2 days in advance so that our seats would be guaranteed. It was great. My favourite book in the series has been New Moon, for personal reasons – because I felt that Bella was relateable and that having her own “sun”, Jacob was really what she needed at that point in her life, much like my personal experiences as a teenager. The movies however, were quite a different story because Twilight and New Moon, to me, didn’t bring out the essence of the books. They were about character development, the intertwining of the lives and the uncertainty of what was going to happen. Instead the movies focused on plot development and I just didn’t find them relatable. The only reason why I kept going back to the theatres for the 3 movies was just to support the franchise.

That said, I don’t know whether it was David Slade who should earn all the credits, but there was finally something about Eclipse that was lacking in the previous 2 that made me enjoy watching the movie through and through. From the viriginity chat that Charlie had to have with Bella (which I enjoyed in the book, just imagining the awkwardness of that conversation) and the tent scene and the wolf and heart bracelets.. As a fan of the books, it was great just seeing those little bits translated to the movie, the itsy bitsy throughout the books that earn its fans was finally in the same enjoyable bits in the movie.

I’m a little disappointed to learn that they’ve decided to change directors again, I don’t know anything about Bill Cornby but I hope he keeps the 2 movies true to the books. New Dawn being the conclusion of the series of books was a great deal to the readers (ie me) because it had to tie up everything in the plot that it had started (whether Bella was finally going to be a Cullen and a vampire, what changes would she have to go through, what about her lifestyle and was she really moving to Alaska, etc), so I hope the new director isn’t going to come in and skip the itsy bitsy in the books and take it any direction he wants! If that was the case, go direct a movie that’s not a franchise and has a cult following! Respect the fans because we are only so for the love of the books!

Have been having loads of me time the last few days with Hubs not around. Cleaned the house (I hate the process, but the result is therupetic because a clean and neat home instance relaxes me), did the ironing so there’s loads to choose from, changed my nail colors, went shopping and bought some more (I have to ban myself from shopping – i must have bought at least 10 new pcs of clothing this month) and got some beautiful nail polish.

A little annoyed with Hubs for not writing more and that these Chinese like to have escorts around all the time! The first night he landed, they treated him to a karaoke night with escorts. I am not for these and thank god that he doesn’t have to go China often.

Tomorrow our Global CEO is comin by our office and I can’t be late. I have a 30 min, private presentation to him on business update for my group and i am kinda nervous, not sure if its because my boss told me that there’s no need to prepare anything. Impromptu might be worse ya, that means i won’t be able to control the direction of the meeting and it might end up being a Q&A session. What if he asks difficult questions?

Unprepared meetings also make me nervous because that means i don’t know where to start or what to expect. In fact, the more i think about it, perhaps it might be better to prepare a few, short opening lines to start the conversation off… Hmmm.

9.30pm. Still awake, and nothing else I can do. Hmm. Maybe i’ll watch a DVD or not.

Celebrated 8 years, and we went back to 1-26, hoping for a great meal but were disappointed. We sat by White Coffee sipping a cup of tea, sharing memories of days past, and feeling as if nothing else matters. It was simple, and very very comforting. My day stress melted away, and I immersed myself in laughter and very simple joy.

I asked myself if i would ever give up my job to be a stay home wife. My answer is no. A stay home mom maybe? If this is how i feel with 2 of us, i hope that when the day comes to 3 or even 4 of us, my answer may be a steadfast yes.

Life is good..